The Art of Self-Management.

Life is a series of interactions some harmonious, some chaotic, and others a storm we never saw coming. My lecturer at Uni used to say “you don’t have the power to change people , you do however have the power to change how you view them” This simple yet profound truth is the key to mastering not just conversations, but life itself.

But how do we manage ourselves in the face of adversity, difficult people, or our own inner turmoil? Hindu philosophy has been teaching this for thousands of years, urging us to look inward before we try to influence the world around us. The Bhagavad Gita, one of the most revered Hindu scriptures, tells us:

“A person who is not disturbed by happiness and distress, who is steady in both, and is free from attachment, that person is truly wise.” (Bhagavad Gita 2:56)

The Charioteer and the Wild Horses. Imagine your mind and emotions as a chariot, pulled by wild, untamed horses. Each horse represents a different aspect of yourself: anger, fear, ego, desire, and attachment. If left unchecked, these forces pull you in different directions, dragging you down chaotic paths. But if you take the reins if you become the charioteer, you can guide them where you need to go.

Take control of yourself first. When someone lashes out at you, when chaos erupts, or when emotions try to take over, you hold the reins. You choose your response. You decide whether to react with fire or with calm authority.

Viktor Frankl’s famous quote, “Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”

Pause Before You React.The power of the pause. Hinduism calls this Vichara, or self-inquiry. Before reacting to someone’s negativity, ask yourself: Is this worth my peace? A moment of pause can prevent an hour of regret.

Detach from the Drama
The Bhagavad Gita teaches us Vairagya—detachment. Detachment doesn’t mean apathy; it means not letting external situations dictate your internal state. When someone criticizes you, you don’t have to take the bait. You can observe without absorbing.

Respond, Don’t React
My Granny used to tell me  “Don’t fight fire with fire.” Instead, respond with clarity and calmness. Hinduism refers to this as Sthitaprajna—equanimity, the ability to remain unmoved by the highs and lows of life.

Set Boundaries .A river is powerful because it has banks that give it direction. Without boundaries, it would flood everywhere, causing destruction. Similarly, setting clear boundaries with people ensures that you don’t lose yourself in their chaos.

Mange your breath, when the waves of the mind are still all things are possible .One of the simplest yet most effective tools Hinduism has taught Pranayamafor centuries the art of controlling the breath to regulate emotions. The next time someone angers you, take a deep breath before responding. Oxygen calms the fire.

Managing others without trying to control them, starts by managing yourself. Once you manage yourself, you can better navigate interactions with others. Here’s how, Mirror, Don’t Magnify
If someone shouts at you, responding in the same way only fuels the fire. Instead, mirror their emotions calmly. Through active listening acknowledging the other person’s feelings without escalating the conflict.

Staying quiet can be difficult but,Silence can be more powerful than words. Hindu philosophy calls this Mauna, the practice of mindful silence. Not every battle is worth fighting. Sometimes, the best response is no response at all.

Lead with Compassion, Not Ego
The Bhagavad Gita tells us: “A person who is free from ego and treats friend and foe alike is truly enlightened.”(BG 14:25) When dealing with difficult people, step away from ego and approach the situation with understanding.
Water doesn’t fight obstacles; it flows around them. Instead of resisting difficult people, redirect the conversation to something constructive. Fisher calls this reframing—steering the discussion toward a positive outcome. The real power lies not in controlling others but in mastering yourself. When you are steady like a mountain, no storm can shake you. When you take the reins of your own emotions, no one else can drive your chariot.

The strongest person in the room is the one who remains in control of themselves. The world will always test you through difficult people, challenging situations, and unexpected chaos. But you always have a choice.

You always have a choice.