A Journey Beyond the Bottle, a line and finding time .
Thirty-two years ago today, I walked into my first fellowship meeting, taking the first shaky steps on what would become a slow and often painful road to recovery. I was broken, lost, and uncertain of the steps ahead , but somewhere deep inside, there was a flicker of hope. That hope carried me through the first days, the first months, and eventually, the first years.
Even now, sober from drugs and alcohol, I still wrestle with people, places, and things. Sobriety is not a one time achievement but an ongoing practice, a daily recommitment to a life free from the things that once controlled me. And as the years have gone by, I’ve come to understand that addiction is not just about substances it’s about the mind.
Last year, on my 19th sobriety birthday, I stepped away from Facebook. I had spent too much time staring into that digital window, asking myself how it was serving me. Was it a tool for connection, or was it another form of intoxication one that fueled comparison, resentment, and the endless cycle of judgment? I realized then that true sobriety isn’t just about avoiding the bottle; it’s about freeing the mind from the intoxicants that keep us trapped.
There is another kind of intoxication, one that doesn’t come from alcohol but from within. It is the intoxicant of criticism a home brewed poison that seeps into our thoughts, our words, and our relationships.The Mind’s Intoxication
This “home-brewed dissension” is crafted from the defects of the alcoholic personality: resentment, intolerance, gossip, jealousy, rebellion. It may not leave us staggering in the streets, but it has the same devastating effect on our well-being. It spreads like a silent contagion, eroding our peace and poisoning the unity of those around us. It is the drink with the perpetual hangover, the high that keeps us low.
A dry drunk is someone who has quit drinking but still carries the toxic mindset of addiction. They may no longer be physically intoxicated, but their thoughts and behaviours are still trapped in the same patterns blame, judgment, self-righteousness. Criticism is their chosen drink, a way to feel superior while avoiding their own shortcomings.
A distiller of self-destruction, they brew this mental intoxicant with.Rumours Whispered words that erode trust.Gossip Character assassination disguised as concern.Fault-finding A relentless pursuit of flaws in others, while ignoring their own.Intolerance The inability to accept differences.Jealousy The twisted belief that another’s success is their loss.Rebellion Defiance for the sake of pride, rather than principle.Resentment Nursing old wounds as if they were fine aged whiskey.The result? A festering dissatisfaction that turns life into a battleground.
Criticism is a blade that cuts both ways, you cant throw a stone without it hitting you .
Hindu philosophy speaks of the three poisons of the mind—kama (desire), krodha (anger), and lobha (greed).Criticism, especially when driven by resentment, is fueled by all three. It arises from unfulfilled desires, is expressed through anger, and is rooted in the greed for power over others.
As the Bhagavad Gita (16:21) warns:
“There are three gates leading to hell—lust, anger, and greed. Abandon these, for they lead to the degradation of the soul.”
Criticism is not just a poison we give to others it is a self-inflicted wound. The more we indulge in it, the more disconnected we become from our own spiritual growth. It blinds us to our own defects, keeps us stuck in bitterness, and pulls us further away from humility and grace.
The dry drunk believes they are still in the driver’s seat—still in control, still justified in their judgment of others. But criticism is a false steering wheel; it offers the illusion of power while leading nowhere. Instead of moving forward, they circle the same resentments, the same frustrations, the same exhausting cycles of negativity.
In reality, the driver is still controlled by their addiction, just in a different form. Where alcohol once ruled their emotions, now it is judgment and self-righteousness. The world becomes a place full of people to blame, never a mirror to reflect on their own growth.
The Antidote: Surrender and Unity
A.A. teaches that “principles before personalities” is the cornerstone of recovery. Sobriety is not just about abstaining from alcohol but about learning a new way of living—one rooted in acceptance, humility, and unity. The antidote to criticism is compassion.
Hindu wisdom offers a powerful solution to the cycle of judgment:
“When one sees all beings as equal in suffering and joy, that one has attained the highest consciousness.” — Bhagavad Gita 6:32
Instead of brewing the intoxicant of criticism, we can choose to distill something different:
Forgiveness – Let go of past grievances.
Humility – Recognise that we are all imperfect.
Gratitude – Focus on what is right instead of what is wrong.
Service – Give, rather than gossip.
Acceptance – Embrace the flaws in ourselves and others.
Nothing threatens sobriety more than the drink of criticism. It keeps us drunk on negativity, weakens our spirit, and fractures our unity. But when we surrender our need to judge, we find true clarity. We step out of the false driver’s seat and into the freedom of true recovery.
32 Years and Counting
Today, I celebrate not just my sobriety, but the lessons it continues to teach me. I have learned that it’s not just about abstaining from the things that harm us but about actively cultivating the things that heal us.
Sobriety is about surrendering not in defeat, but in grace. It’s about stepping away from what no longer serves us, whether that’s alcohol, toxic relationships, or the cycle of criticism.
Thirty-two years later, I am still learning, still growing, and still showing up. And that, to me, is the greatest gift of all.Just for today.
I am healthy(ier) I am happy and I choose freedom.
Make the Connection 